Visual White Noise Theater: “Monster Heaven, Ghost Hero” says it all!!!

Don’t build a skyscraper that manufactures hologram equipment on a Samurai graveyard, take it from “Monster Heaven, Ghost Hero”.

Wow, surprise, another weird Japanese movie, nothing new there but of course the weirdness varies, sometimes its cultural misunderstandings or the dialogue isn’t translated properly for English speaking audiences. A Samurai graveyard is bulldozed and in its place is put a shiny skyscraper where they are trying to prefect making holograms you can feel. This pisses off the spirits of the dead. The company puts one of the weird grave markers from the bulldozed graveyard in their lobby under a glass case, because in a horror movie that isn’t asking for trouble.

An old man in a electric wheelchair shows up in the lobby looks at the grave stone and starts yelling about a curse, the receptionists scream and….We’re off and running. The crazy old man warning the youngin’s that if they go somewhere or do a certain something they’ll die, now the Japanese are using an American horror movie trope. Cut to a scene where a Japanese pop rock band is yelling into the camera as Satoshi, son of the guy who owns the big building has fallen asleep at his table and has a nightmare about having his throat cut. Satoshi doesn’t want the responsibility of running the company, so his father’s friend and co chair is running the company, Satoshi is overseeing the hologram program. His father’s friend is trying to talk him into taking over the company.

Then some douche in a white suit shows up and he is always using an electric shaver even though his face is smooth and clean shaven, he has two butch white women in suits that are his bodyguards, apparently he had worked for the company before and stole secrets, now he is back wanting his top level job back because he ripped off his other employer, at first Satoshi’s father’s friend will have nothing to do with the douche in the white suit but white suit is very pushy and consistent and seeks to take over the company from Satoshi. The pop rock band shows up and warns Satoshi and his lab aides that there is a curse over the building because it was built over a graveyard they say if the blood of a virgin touches the gravestone in the lobby underneath the glass case all hell will break loose.

And break loose it does, all over the place, the band morphs into Yokai spirits, the white suit guy tries to rape the secretary and throws her over the balcony, the white suit guy grabs the cursed katana and turns into a demonic Samurai that starts demolishing everything in its path, lightning flashes, virgin holograms clash (yep I didn’t mistype), hallways turn into forests etc. This thing breaks open, and maybe again this is a cultural difference but this movie “Monster Heaven, Ghost Hero” can’t make up its mind if its a kid’s movie or a weird movie for adults. Its trying to be everything to everybody, and for me it succeeds. This movie is “My Ghost Hero”.

So go here to get to “Monster Heaven” with sub titles:

One more for the road, gif thieves!


Visual White Noise Theater: Its a bird! Its a plane! No its “Keiko Mask” (1991)!!!

My previous post was on the Japanese film “Mind Games” now I am going back into the “Land of the Rising Sun” with something dumber, more sexual and inept. That would be “Keiko Mask” or in Japanese, “Kekko Kamen”. “Keiko” the movie started out as a soft core Manga about a mysterious chick who fights completely nude except for a cape and mask. She does this in some school, called the “Spartan School” where if the students are naughty or misbehave they get punished by being tortured, S and M style, the Head Master, or “Principal” for us yanks is a pervert creep who wears a jester hat and Kiss band make up, when students get tortured Keiko shows up and kicks their asses nude. Then somebody decided to make this into a movie, shoot it on film stock normally used on soap operas and deliver it to the public, almost like Keiko’s ultimate finishing move which I call “Shining Vagina”, they were hoping this would be a “Shining Vagina” to the watching public. The only move this worked on were degenerate perverts like myself.

The cheapness just drips off this one, now granted the version I have isn’t the best but even a buddy of mine that has a better rip says it still looks cheap. This thing trips all over itself genre wise: Super Hero Movie, Comedy Movie, Drama Movie, Action Movie, Soft Porn Movie, S & M Movie and Teen Movie, the genres aren’t balanced that great, this movie is off in more ways than one. The “comedy” is very cheesy and the drama is just boring, but this thing is so damn weird my jaw was dropping on the ground, over all the weird and interesting parts outweighed the boring parts.

And there is different and weird villains, the aforementioned jester Head Master, the leader of the S & M/BDM “Spartan School”, two New Age hippie types who want to trap “Keiko Mask” for the bounty put on her by the Head Master, a 1980’s hair metal chick teacher who tortures boys to lure Keiko Mask, a American art teacher/turned killer robot, a midget mad doctor whose tall assistant bullies him and an army of samurai. It seems Keiko Mask’s finishing move is the “Shining Vagina” I don’t know why she doesn’t just use this move in every battle to end the fights as quickly as possible. But, hey this is a weird Japanese, S & M comedy movie don’t expect logic to ever enter the equation here!

Apparently a lot of weebs are really pissed at this movie. I’ve been on different comment boards and they all bitch and moan about this not being even close to the Manga or the animated version, which I never saw but this slice of sleaze is way up my trash strewn alley and if your a weird movie fan it is worth your time, you will want to assault your eyes with this thing.

So do you want “Keiko Mask” to sexually assault you with her “Shining Vagina”? Go over here  and the picture sucks but good luck finding a copy of this in Region 1 DVD or blu ray or in the bay where pirate’s hang out.


Visual White Noise Theater: Stop Playing Your “Mind Game” (2004)

I haven’t dropped acid or done mushrooms in years and I thought I was having a flashback, maybe I was falling asleep watching this movie and getting those flashes of dreams you get when you wake up quick and fall asleep repeatedly until you just give up and lie down. “Mind Game” from Japan (where else) will play mind games with you, it will toy with you, your emotions and mental state, it will always win.


This isn’t your traditional Japanese animated movie, which is what I liked about this one. Seriously, I kind of get burned out on the “big eyed anime” style that prevails in almost every Japanese animated movie. This one takes a wink and nod to “Belladonna of Sadness” (which I will review in the future) where various forms of animation are mixed together in an eye stabbing, mysterious brilliance.

Nishi, aspiring Manga artist encounters an old flame on the subway, Myon who is running from a yakuza member/football player Atsu. Nishi finds out she is getting married and is still in love with Myon but is too much of chicken to actually say it, he says it in his imagination but not out loud. Over all, you get the feeling Nishi lives most of his triumphs in his own head, he is dreamer but it doesn’t help him in the real world. However, they go to Myon’s father’s Sushi restaurant, her sister Yan is at the bar making sushi and serving beer while their dad drunkenly talks about his sexual conquests, Nishi gets pissed off and goes off on him talking about this in front of his own daughters, in this scene you can’t tell if this is in Nishi’s head or if he is actually telling the father off, Myon’s soon to be husband Ryo shows up and its awkward. Two yakuzas walk in, one is Atsu who I just mentioned was chasing Myon. The yakuza are looking for Myon’s father who is hiding because he screwed Atsu’s girlfriend. They start threatening everybody, Ryo tries to punch out Atsu and Atsu fells him, he goes to rape Myon and Myon shouts for Nishi who is curled up in a ball in fear. Atsu disgusted by his behavior shoots him through his asshole. Nishi dies and ascends into some strange afterlife where God mocks him for being a loser, Nishi pissed off and wants another chance so instead of running to the gate way of the afterlife he runs towards the life tunnel and God chases him, he gets back in his body and kicks ass.

Or are we sure he actually gets back in his body kicks ass? What happens next is insane, Nishi, mad at wasting his life with Myon and Yan in tow, leads the Yakuza on an insane car chase where they are swallowed by a whale. Inside the whale they come across a ship and an old hermit who is an ex Yakuza, he turned his ship into a toy, food, comfort laden pleasure palace. From there it gets even more crazier, on the surface you may see non sense but beneath it, if you really drink it in it has got a lot of layers religious, philosophical and spiritual. The movie uses different types of animation to express different emotions and thoughts. Weebs who want “traditional” anime aren’t gonna happy and there isn’t probably enough stupid action for their “Bleach/Sailor Moon” ridden brains. This movie will have you questioning everything. Is this all in Nishi’s head? Is he in the after life? Did he really come back to life and start to kick ass? Can you really survive being swallowed by a whale? On that last note there is a lot of religious iconography in this movie, both Western and Eastern. To all of you people who don’t want to think about your movies this one isn’t for you.

The music is pretty strange to and goes with the mood, some are Broadway type musical numbers and some are Bossa Nova numbers. Overall this movie has a dream like logic but when you fit the pieces together like a puzzle most of it will fall right into place. This piece of visual art noise is a must have for people who want something different in their Japanese animation.

So where do you want to play the “Mind Game”? Well this isn’t going up on my bitchute channel, while I upload stuff over there because copy right is pretty much non existent I don’t want to push it too far by putting this up there and also these film makers are still in existence and need your support, so just get your favorite search engine and put in “Mind Game” and “Streaming”, Amazon, Youtube, Apple etc. have it pretty cheap or you can always visit that Pirate in the Bay you super cheap, cheatin’ bastid.


Short (S)hit List: S & M puppet show from Hell, “Sanzo Hoshi” and “Jyomon Rashomon” (1967)

There is some things in Japanese culture that have me scratching my head saying “WTF?!” And those things, like “Sanzo Hoshi” and “Jyomon Rashomon” make life worth living. I like weird puppets, and I like creepy things, you put them together and I am one happy, perverted SOB. Granted I am not into the whole “whips and leather” thing myself, but I find the topic interesting from a psychological and artistic stand point. I don’t want to be whipped or tortured while fucking, call me vanilla if you want to, I stand guilty. That being said when I first watched these shorts I was mind boggled.

I got this as an extra DVD when I ordered the Japanese “Guinea Pig” movies, the disc had no label or anything written on it, I figured it was some throwaway. I put it in my player and my eyes fell out of my head, I was confused and disturbed and for the longest time I couldn’t find the titles to the two shorts, it was mainly the language barrier. There isn’t much dialogue in these two shorts and the second short “Jyomon Rashomon” had a title card which I put in google translate. From there I was able to find out the titles.

Hailing from the Japanese “Guro” tradition I wasn’t able to find much info on these two shorts, info was very scanty. They were directed by Kentaro Uchida, the first short is “Sanzo Hoshi” it is about a monk by the same name who descends into hell and has his semen milked by female demons, when they drink his semen they get younger by 1000 years. This short visually is the better of the two and disturbing, its like a Jim Henson puppet show from Hell. Two female demons cane and jerk off the unfortunate monk while other demons watch getting aroused or playing strange music. The attention to detail is pretty cool and when I tried to find a date on when this was made I kept on running into “1967”, problem is the film grain, the hair styles and colors of the various demons scream “1980’s”, maybe these shorts were ahead of their time, I don’t know.

As you can see from the above gif these puppets are life size. At first I had to really look to make sure, and as you can see there is puppeteers dressed in black moving them, that is the only off setting thing. You can see them but it is actually amazing this much detail was put into the puppets and the surrounding scenes. Again beware, these are puppet shows are not meant for kids.

The second short “Jyomon Rashomon” is about a brigand who captures a woman and canes her in front of demons in robes who jerk off. In fact, he canes her until she pees, this one gets kind of monotonous but again the attention to detail is amazing. Again I was amazed and repulsed at the same time, I felt kind of dirty watching this short. Some of you out there will probably pop a tent in your pants, I did at first but the S&M stuff turned me the hell off. It just isn’t my thing, you dig?

Very scanty details and info on this one, the details remain a mystery. I want find out why this was made, who it was made for and more about who made it, the director, Kentaro Uchida, seems to only have directed these two shorts and an 1986 film in the tradition of the “Faces of Death” called “Shocks”, I’ll have to track that one down. I can’t find anything else out about the shorts. Did they play at specialty film festivals? Or maybe at Japanese S&M clubs and gatherings? These are the kinds of things that drive me and people think I am nuts for wanting to decode this type of visual white noise. If my mom or grandma ever saw my blog their eyes would fill with tears and they’d go into guilt trip mode and ask me “Why can’t you do a blog about good things? Positive things like kittens, flowers and Jesus? Why do you have to make a blog about gross and sick things?” I’d just shrug, trying to explain this stuff to people who have no ears, eyes or sensations for white noise of any kind is a waste of time, they won’t get it and I don’t expect them to.

So in closing this of course isn’t gonna be for everybody, some will find this disgusting, sexist, nasty etc. I am not talking to everybody though and it is up to you if you want to watch these two shorts. You’ve been warned, if you want to journey into a strange, beautiful and ugly at the same time, weird world than go here:



Visual White Noise Theater: “Haunted School/Gakko No Kaidan” (1995)

So you go into the abandoned wing of your Japanese school, you hear strange knocks and howls. What do you do next? So do you turn around and walk out the door, turn to page 15 or do you go and investigate the strange noises, turn to page 63. If it were me I would turn to page 15 but none of these kids will do this.

So first the sister of one of the characters goes into the abandoned wing and becomes lost, her brother comes looking for her and some of the bad kids are in there where their not supposed to be because that is what bad movie kids do. Their teacher comes looking for them and all hell breaks, a giant girl chases them, a hairy demon with Slimer’s personality makes fun of them, skeletons, and dissected frogs jump at them.

This is a kid’s movie, make no mistake about it. One of my friends called it a cross between “Ghostbusters” and “Goonies”, of course I’d say its more of a “Goosebumps” type tale, the effects, ghosts and monsters were top notch. Damn I really enjoyed this movie, most kids movies I have watched are boring and too sentimental, this one balances the horror with sentiment perfectly.

The movie was done by Toho, the giants who helped push Godzilla into our collective consciousness. This will stomp around in your head like that overgrown lizard. You can watch this with your kids if your kids don’t get bored with sub titles. There was moments that made me laugh, made me sad, made me jump and made me roll my eyes, the eye rolling was kept to a minimum. Apparently this made a lot of yen at the Japanese box office back in the day, 2.55 billion to be exact which is 19 mill in US today’s money.

So in closing to find this baby on DVD you’ll have to go to Japanese amazon and ebay. If you don’t want to go through the trouble, go here:

Good luck and don’t go into any abandoned school wings where a girl drowned in a pool or else you’ll get eaten by oversized janitor man insects.