Visual White Noise Theater: LOL! Fucking “Skins” (2017)

At first I wasn’t gonna even review this movie, sure it is weird and different but “Skins” falls into the “pretentious horseshit” category for me, the artist so full up his/her ass that they can’t see the sunlight. However, sometimes pretentious horseshit can be entertaining and unintentionally hilarious, to me that was “Skins”.

In some ways I wonder if the director, was trying to play this straight or if this was actually a troll, cinema style. If it was a troll it was the best troll pulled on the Netflix/art house crowd who think their “tolerant” and “sophisticated”. Again this is a Spanish movie and maybe the sub titles were mistranslated but even the action on the screen is utterly ridiculous. When I was meant to feel empathy for a twisted, fuck pedophile who wants to sleep with an eleven year old girl who has no eyes, not blind, no eyes, and gives her pink diamonds for eyes while his wife is giving birth I was fucking disgusted, typical of Netflix who would put out a movie like “Cuties”. The scene and the way it was executed made me snicker, then laugh, a fat old madam who runs a cat house of deformed people telling the peder creep that he can’t help who is and its OK to screw kids and then the scene between the eyeless girl and the old man (they don’t show anything) made me bust a gut.

Then there is the guy who has a fetish for deformed women, his deformed girlfriend is fucking a burn victim behind his back, a girl who has a butt hole where her mouth is supposed to be and a mouth where her butt hole is supposed to be is raped by two gay looking guys rape in both, then there is a pregnant dwarf who plays a pink animorphic teddy bear on a kids show she wants to quit and her creepy manager is trying to talk her into having an abortion, then there is a kid who is the son of the pederast who thinks his legs aren’t part of him because he believes that he is a mermaid and his legs should be fins, its one pretentious cluster fuck of deformed, sad sap people who are all looking for sick, twisted love, normally I would dig something like this but all I could do was laugh. If it was trying to say “Love knows no boundaries”, that flew over my head. The kid with legs lays out in traffic and lets the girl with butt hole for a mouth run over his legs while she is speeding away in her car from the two gay looking dudes who are trying to rape her, the guys chasing her look like they would only want to rape other dudes. Now this might sound interesting, it is kind of, but its more funny than anything. Especially at the end, (I don’t care if I spoil it either I wasted my time watching this) where the guy who has a fetish for deformities keeps butt hole mouth girl from jumping off a bridge after getting raped by the two closet gay guys, the fetish guy kisses her and the dude tongues her hairy butt hole/mouth, I roared with laughter and the kid who wants to be a mermaind in the afterlife becomes a glittery, prancing mermaid with fish falling out of the sky. Now if this wasn’t fun and I didn’t get some enjoyment out of it I wouldn’t have even wasted space on it, in some ways I am wasting space and time on this movie. This is pretentious horseshit but it was funny and made me laugh but I won’t watch “Skins” again. If what I wrote above appeals to you have at it, go on Netflix or if your like me and your one of those “FUCK NETFLIX” guys go to a friend’s and watch it if you don’t want to give these cheerleader pederasts any of your money. Over all, fuck this film and if this isn’t a troll fuck the douchey, art hipster who made this bullshit, you made me laugh at least.


Visual White Noise Theater: Its a bird! Its a plane! No its “Keiko Mask” (1991)!!!

My previous post was on the Japanese film “Mind Games” now I am going back into the “Land of the Rising Sun” with something dumber, more sexual and inept. That would be “Keiko Mask” or in Japanese, “Kekko Kamen”. “Keiko” the movie started out as a soft core Manga about a mysterious chick who fights completely nude except for a cape and mask. She does this in some school, called the “Spartan School” where if the students are naughty or misbehave they get punished by being tortured, S and M style, the Head Master, or “Principal” for us yanks is a pervert creep who wears a jester hat and Kiss band make up, when students get tortured Keiko shows up and kicks their asses nude. Then somebody decided to make this into a movie, shoot it on film stock normally used on soap operas and deliver it to the public, almost like Keiko’s ultimate finishing move which I call “Shining Vagina”, they were hoping this would be a “Shining Vagina” to the watching public. The only move this worked on were degenerate perverts like myself.

The cheapness just drips off this one, now granted the version I have isn’t the best but even a buddy of mine that has a better rip says it still looks cheap. This thing trips all over itself genre wise: Super Hero Movie, Comedy Movie, Drama Movie, Action Movie, Soft Porn Movie, S & M Movie and Teen Movie, the genres aren’t balanced that great, this movie is off in more ways than one. The “comedy” is very cheesy and the drama is just boring, but this thing is so damn weird my jaw was dropping on the ground, over all the weird and interesting parts outweighed the boring parts.

And there is different and weird villains, the aforementioned jester Head Master, the leader of the S & M/BDM “Spartan School”, two New Age hippie types who want to trap “Keiko Mask” for the bounty put on her by the Head Master, a 1980’s hair metal chick teacher who tortures boys to lure Keiko Mask, a American art teacher/turned killer robot, a midget mad doctor whose tall assistant bullies him and an army of samurai. It seems Keiko Mask’s finishing move is the “Shining Vagina” I don’t know why she doesn’t just use this move in every battle to end the fights as quickly as possible. But, hey this is a weird Japanese, S & M comedy movie don’t expect logic to ever enter the equation here!

Apparently a lot of weebs are really pissed at this movie. I’ve been on different comment boards and they all bitch and moan about this not being even close to the Manga or the animated version, which I never saw but this slice of sleaze is way up my trash strewn alley and if your a weird movie fan it is worth your time, you will want to assault your eyes with this thing.

So do you want “Keiko Mask” to sexually assault you with her “Shining Vagina”? Go over here  and the picture sucks but good luck finding a copy of this in Region 1 DVD or blu ray or in the bay where pirate’s hang out.