Tag: horror

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Visual White Noise Theater: Want to watch some “Strange Tales” (1986)

Most horror anthologies have this problem, either most of them suck with a couple of good ones, or if your lucky they’ll be mostly good ones with a smattering of bad ones, “Strange Tales” has total of six and out of those six, three are good and three are boring and/or stupid. The really good ones shine like diamonds in coal. Vidcrest, who put out the infamous “Mondo Cane” movies, a company that is still around and run by Robert Weinbach who is still alive put this thing together, he seemed to specialize in finding weird and unusual shorts and putting them together. At the time, the only way to get a hold of this collection was to get it on VHS, at first when I e mailed him he said he had no copies, then he e mailed me back and said he had found a VHS copy in storage, so I bought it. Watching this, I could tell most, if not all of these shorts were shot on Super 8 and most if not all were probably student films. I searched this one out when a buddy of mine sent me a list of live action/animated shorts, one of the shorts on this VHS, “Twilight Journey” got my attention. The problem is this VHS was recorded to EP mode which makes the picture look kind of shitty, its to jam more stuff on less tape, the picture is soft and fuzzy, sometimes you can’t see what is being filmed. So without further ado, here are the good and the bad of “Strange Tales”.

The first short, “The Visitant” is an OK short, a guy chases the ghost of his dead son through a cemetery which looks like the famous Forest Lawn Cemetery in Burbank, CA, me and my weird family used to have picnics there, many famous people from the Golden Age of Hollywood are buried (and turning over in their graves). As he is chasing his son, a zombie chases him with an axe and various dead people as well as an driver-less van try to run him down, he comes across his daughter who is cursing him for killing himself and his son in a drunk driving accident, the guy finds out he is in purgatory and now destined for hell. This one had some cool make up effects and was at least interesting.

The second short is called “Desire in a Public Dump” and I wasn’t too impressed with this one, though I gotta give it credit for not dragging on too long. When I watched this I figured this one was shot in the 1980’s like the rest of the shorts on the tape, but the whole look of the actors and actress and the whole feel screamed “1950’s” yes I found out that this short was shot in the 1950’s, it is very weird to have all the other shorts be filmed in the 1980’s and one lone one from the 1950’s. In this one a hobo stumbles on a picture of a redhead pin up who comes out of the picture and when he goes to kiss her he gets a pitchfork through his chest, the girl disappears from the picture and is replaced by a gorilla, a kid with a BB gun finds the picture and it ends there.

The third short is “A Day in the Life of Snidley Carmichael” stupid, boring and hated this fucking short. All it is is a guy spazzing out to opera music, running around like a fucking retard pretending to get shot. Not funny and a waste of this tape. Next.

The fourth short is by far the best and most interesting, “Twilight Journey” is a god damn trip and this is the reason why I searched this tape out. I wasn’t disappointed, a hybrid of live action and rotoscoped animation, this one is hard to peg, this is acid for people who never have or will drop acid. From what I can tell the story is about a kid whose mom is prostitute, she wears a pig mask I guess out of kinkiness, now this is where it gets confusing either the boy kills his mom while the John is asleep or the John kills her and sets the house on fire.

As the John runs away in his car he gets in an accident and dies, soon he is tumbling through animated space.

Soon he encounters weird shapes, pyramids and killer orcs, whoever did this put a lot of work into it, looks like the guy was probably inspired by Ralph Bakshi’s “Lord of the Rings, LSD and a lot of pot.

Looking for keys and a sword battle ensues, its marvelous and fantastic and worth the price of this video, I wasn’t as mad when this short met my expectations, it made it worth the three other boring shorts on this thing. My only gripe is the short ends abruptly, wish this had had a longer running time and Robert would’ve knocked the other boring fucking shorts off this thing.

The fifth short is “Crystal Quest”, I loved this one, this one follows a guy who is being chased by something or somebody on what looks like a different planet, he takes the crystal from the mouth of a stone monster then he is actually chased by a monster who corners him near an elevator.

As he pushes the button and the elevator the monster chasing him runs away and he thinks he scared the monster off until he turns around and sees a behemoth of a monster blocking the elevator.

He dives underneath the monster’s legs shuts the elevator and pushes the lobby button. He gets to the bottom and the door opens and you find out the “Crystal Quest” is a futuristic game show. I loved this one, the make up was good and I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that the people who worked on this student film went on to do special effects and make up on bigger projects. This one was goofy fun and the other good short in this collection and the last good one.

The sixth and most certainly last one is “Bus Bench” all I can say is “YAWN”, “Strange Tales” goes out on a huge whimper and not a bang. Some old lady sits on a bench while buses and people go by, she seems to be thinking about her past and her own daughter or something. This was boring, so bad I was looking at the clock thinking about other stuff I could be doing. On the back of the VHS box it says “Award winning shorts” yeah, Weinbach I highly doubt this. So all in all there was three good shorts and three boring shorts, so is this worth your clams? I’ll say this much “Twilight Journey” and “Crystal Quest” will make it worth the price, and you’ll want this if your a horror anthology completest.

So where do you pick this up? Well if you want a tape you’ll have to hound Robert you can go to his geocities looking web site here: http://vidcrest.net/catalog/order_list.html

He has a DVD version on his ebay page but talking with one of my friends who ordered a DVD its almost the same version as VHS: https://www.ebay.com/itm/114251165702?hash=item1a99e67006:g:9wUAAOSwwvpe3Af-

If you want a preview of what your gonna get go here: https://www.bitchute.com/video/4Gaa2Xbyq1FX/

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White Noise on Paper: Damn “Commies From Mars”! (1973-1987)

The title of this underground comix series sounds like the title to a bad b movie from the 1950’s-1960’s at the height of the red scare and I think that is the purpose. This series pretty much satirizes the “Red Scare” and science fiction comics and movies in general, kind of like what the early 1960’s card series “Mars Attacks” did. This was published by Last Gasp, first issue came out in 1973.

It was edited by Tim Boxell who would, oddly enough, direct the serialized puppet biker, soap opera segments of “Winter Steele” for the awesome animation anthology show, “Liquid Television”, he was also a technical advisor on the Eddie Murphy’s oriental occult movie “Golden Child” among other jobs in Hollywood. The series, a lot like Last Gasp’s other series, would span years and publish sporadically, in “Commies From Mars” case, after its first issue there would be a six year hiatus before the next one.

Many authors and artists would come aboard, most from the underground comix world, people like Greg Irons, Peter Kuper, Spain, S. Clay Wilson and Kenneth Huey which gave the series variety and kept interesting. Different strips explored different themes, some were straight up satire, some action, eroticism (especially between humans and aliens), science fiction, propaganda, societal control and social mores while not taking itself seriously.

In those fourteen years six issues came out, I first stumbled across this series while reading old “Heavy Metal Magazines”, the ads in the back were from Last Gasp Publishing’s underground comix satire line up which featured “Cocaine Comix”, “Young Lust” and “Commies from Mars”, when I read that title I busted up laughing, it brought to mind those corny and cheesy 1950’s B monster movies I used to watch while stoned on a Saturday night on the local public access station. I forgot about the title until I started going through my “Heavy Metal Magazines”, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to dig into my wallet to buy the series issue by issue. Luckily, Last Gasp released all six issues in one beautiful book.

“Commies from Mars The Red Planet The Collected Works” will set you right. Jerry Garcia from a band I fucking hate, The Grateful Dead, does the foreword and Tim Boxell gives warning about the “Martian Extermination Legion” knocking on your door at 2AM. There was very scant info on this series and its publishing, nonetheless the mystery adds to the mystique of this series. This comes highly recommended from me, visual white noise every noise addict should search out and inject in their veins. THE MARTIANS ARE COMING! THE MARTIANS ARE CUUUUMMMMINGGGGG!!!!

To get invaded, do it fast because the spots on the saucer are being filled up: https://www.amazon.com/Commies-Mars-Planet-Collected-Works/dp/0867193433

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Visual White Noise Theater: How about “Fried Barry” (2020) for dessert?!

That would be one weird tasting dessert, one you wouldn’t forget, I wouldn’t call it “sweet” or “bland” or “bitter” or “gross” its just all of that mixed together. Coming out of the post apocalyptic husk that is South Africa and directed by Ryan Kruger, the movie features Barry (played by future character actor Gary Green) a heroin addict who has a son and pissed off wife, he has no job to support his family and just wanders around looking for drugs until a UFO abducts him and takes over his body.

An alien takes over his body and he is put smack dab in the middle of Johannesburg, that is when things go completely bat shit insane and doesn’t let up. The alien in Barry does drugs, his neck stretches, he knocks up a prostitute who gives birth seconds later, he gets sucked off by some creep in a public bathroom and sprays him with black jizz, he gets kidnapped by a pedophile and gets in a chainsaw fight with the guy, he gets put in an insane asylum, escapes into a beckoning businessman’s car who shoots him up and feeds him pills and they drive through an atom explosion, a grown man sucks milk out of a woman’s nipple etc. I could go on and on.

“Fried Barry” is like if the 1979 Peter Seller’s movie “Being There” had done tons of hard drugs. The alien in Barry just seems to be stumbling around and gathering whatever earth like experiences it can but on the way Barry inadvertently helps people kind of like Dougie Cooper in “Twin Peaks the Return”, the movie does stumble near the end and it picks up again. Depending on your movie tastes you won’t like a nonsensical movie where the character travels from one vignette to another, this isn’t a hapless film by no means, there is a story tying all of this together but I don’t want to give away the whole story.

The director took his short film and stretched “Fried Barry” into a feature length film. From what I’ve heard the actor playing Barry, whose name is Gary Green, was a stuntman, he is very unusual looking which fits the part perfectly of a man who is taken over by an alien force. Not much is told about the aliens, when he is in the ship he sees a lot of weird ass shit, and your left wondering if the alien itself is a drug addict getting high off of the experiences through Barry, an intergalactic tweaker stuck in the body of an earthbound heroin addict.

To get “Fried” with “Barry” go here: https://www.amazon.com/Fried-Barry-Gary-Green/dp/B0948Q98JK

Or you can be a cheap bastard and not support cool art by finding the pirates by the bay. If you choose this option don’t be surprised if those same pirates make you walk the plank.

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Visual White Noise Theater: “Monster Heaven, Ghost Hero” says it all!!!

Don’t build a skyscraper that manufactures hologram equipment on a Samurai graveyard, take it from “Monster Heaven, Ghost Hero”.

Wow, surprise, another weird Japanese movie, nothing new there but of course the weirdness varies, sometimes its cultural misunderstandings or the dialogue isn’t translated properly for English speaking audiences. A Samurai graveyard is bulldozed and in its place is put a shiny skyscraper where they are trying to prefect making holograms you can feel. This pisses off the spirits of the dead. The company puts one of the weird grave markers from the bulldozed graveyard in their lobby under a glass case, because in a horror movie that isn’t asking for trouble.

An old man in a electric wheelchair shows up in the lobby looks at the grave stone and starts yelling about a curse, the receptionists scream and….We’re off and running. The crazy old man warning the youngin’s that if they go somewhere or do a certain something they’ll die, now the Japanese are using an American horror movie trope. Cut to a scene where a Japanese pop rock band is yelling into the camera as Satoshi, son of the guy who owns the big building has fallen asleep at his table and has a nightmare about having his throat cut. Satoshi doesn’t want the responsibility of running the company, so his father’s friend and co chair is running the company, Satoshi is overseeing the hologram program. His father’s friend is trying to talk him into taking over the company.

Then some douche in a white suit shows up and he is always using an electric shaver even though his face is smooth and clean shaven, he has two butch white women in suits that are his bodyguards, apparently he had worked for the company before and stole secrets, now he is back wanting his top level job back because he ripped off his other employer, at first Satoshi’s father’s friend will have nothing to do with the douche in the white suit but white suit is very pushy and consistent and seeks to take over the company from Satoshi. The pop rock band shows up and warns Satoshi and his lab aides that there is a curse over the building because it was built over a graveyard they say if the blood of a virgin touches the gravestone in the lobby underneath the glass case all hell will break loose.

And break loose it does, all over the place, the band morphs into Yokai spirits, the white suit guy tries to rape the secretary and throws her over the balcony, the white suit guy grabs the cursed katana and turns into a demonic Samurai that starts demolishing everything in its path, lightning flashes, virgin holograms clash (yep I didn’t mistype), hallways turn into forests etc. This thing breaks open, and maybe again this is a cultural difference but this movie “Monster Heaven, Ghost Hero” can’t make up its mind if its a kid’s movie or a weird movie for adults. Its trying to be everything to everybody, and for me it succeeds. This movie is “My Ghost Hero”.

So go here to get to “Monster Heaven” with sub titles: https://www.bitchute.com/video/CUozZoHL5ASo/

One more for the road, gif thieves!

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Visual White Noise Theater: “Highway to Hell” (1991) isn’t just the title of an AC/DC song.

Its a movie and a kick ass one at that I finally got around to watching this one.

“Highway to Hell” is a movie I always used to see in video rental stores and I’d say “One of these days, I am gonna rent that, its got Kristy Swanson who is so damn hot.” Yet I never did, now that most mom and pop video stores and Blockbuster have gone kaput I went looking for this one and I am pissed at myself I didn’t watch it sooner.

 

Directed by Ate De Jong, who directed one of the craziest, bat shit episodes of the awesome show “Miami Vice” an episode that involved aliens, UFO’s, James Brown and peanut butter, the episode was widely unpopular and panned out of existence. De Jong’s weird, Danish sensibilities didn’t translate too good to the television screen and people in Hollywood were hesitant to throw money at him. Finally somebody had the good sense to throw De Jong another chance along with a script by Brian Helgeland who claimed he got the idea from being pulled over on some side stretch road outside of Las Vegas with his wife, Brian said the cop was really patronizing and walked around their car threateningly, all over Brian driving a little over the speed limit. Brian wondered “Is this the cop from hell?” And a light went off in his head.

Charlie Sykes, played by Rob’s younger brother Chad and Rachel played by Kirsty Swanson go to elope in Las Vegas. Chad is afraid that his parents and Rachel’s parents might’ve called the police to stop them from getting married and in fear he takes a side road, he comes upon a lonely gas station run by a lonely old man named Sam played by character actor who plays old coots all the time, Richard Farnsworth. He tries to tell them not to go any further past the Joshua trees and especially not go to sleep past that point because they’ll get into trouble, he advises them to get back on the main road,  in other words, Farnsworth plays the typical stock character “crazy old man” that appears in a lot of these horror movies who warns people about doing something or going somewhere and when they do what they were told not to or go where they told not to,  they get killed. Chad in fear takes the side road, falls asleep and the cop from hell shows up, busts up their car and takes Rachel.

In anger and fear Charlie goes back and grills Sam who tells him that his girlfriend got taken by the Hell Cop, the Hell Cop kidnaps virgins to take back to the Devil’s bordello and if the cop gets to Hell City then it will be too late. Sam tells Charlie to take his old Pontiac and says the Pontiac has something special in it and he gives him special ammo to take down the Hell Cop, he tells Charlie that he needs to go back to the Joshua trees, drive really fast, close his eyes and believe, then he can get into hell, when drives really fast a real cop does chase him. Charlie does this and ends up in hell which is a desert and from there I don’t want to give up much more.

This movie is satire but it will keep you on the edge of your seat, you’ll get the Stiller family, Ben (if you don’t know who Ben Stiller is I don’t know what to tell you) who plays a retarded fry cook, Jerry (Jerry Stiller played George Constanza’s dad in the best sitcom of all time “Seinfeld”) who is a corrupt cop caught in eternity in this diner from hell where you never get a coffee refill or what you ordered, Anne (Ben’s mom and Jerry’s wife, a funny comedian in her own right) who plays the waitress that bores the mummified, corrupt cops with her stories, you get Lita Ford as a hooker who traps men into getting killed by a ice cream truck serial killer who wants to scoop brains out of their heads and Gilbert Gottfried as Hitler and Patrick Bergen as Satan. There is various character actors in this movie, the monster effects are pretty awesome, especially the stop motion three headed Cerebus guard hound. Over all this is a wild ride, this is a movie where you can shut off your brain and let the movie do the driving, don’t let it crash your car though. CJ Graham under heavy make up plays the Hell Cop, CJ played the Jason incarnation in “Friday the Thirteenth 6, Jason Lives!” There is more in this movie that I don’t want to give away. This movie is almost as good as the song “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC, I was kind of hoping that it would make an appearance in the movie and it didn’t because this movie was a medium budget movie, however, you get a slower rock ballad from the aforementioned Lita Ford. This movie was made in 1989 but was shelved due to the company Hemdale going bankrupt, it didn’t see release until 1991.

So visual white noise addicts to get on the Highway all you have to do is go here: https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hell-Chad-Lowe/dp/B081D8Z3MK

For any of you that want an actual road to ride on go to: https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hell-Blu-ray-Patrick-Bergin/dp/B018STFHKC/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=Highway+to+Hell&qid=1627583632&s=movies-tv&sr=1-5

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Visual White Noise Theater: Your “Nothing But Trouble” (1991)

So taking the usual horror plot of city slickers getting lost in the sticks and being captured and tormented by inbred, mutant, red necks a la “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, “The Hills Have Eyes”, “Deliverance etc. Writer/director Dan Aykroyd turns the usual horror plot on its head throwing in a huge dash of cartoonish absurdity, dark humor and incomprehensible insanity. This movie stink bombed theaters back in the day but you know me, I don’t give a shit what audiences thought or think about a piece of white noise, I leave that up to myself. Digging this piece of coal out of the ground I found a diamond and I am most definitely gonna look at this diamond more than once. “Nothing But Trouble”, that title made it easy for “sticks up their asses” critics to make fun of the movie. To me watching this was no trouble at all.

Chevy Chase plays Chris Thorne who decides to drive his neighbor, a lawyer Diane Lightson, played by a hotter than hell Demi Moore to visit one of her clients who is stealing money from her in Atlantic City. Chris’ clients, a Brazilian heir and heiress brother and sister, Fausto and Renalda Squiriniszu played by character actors Taylor Negro and Bertila Damas respectively tag along. On the way to Atlantic City, Fausto and Renalda want to stop off somewhere to have picnic which Chris doesn’t want to do, they hound him into pulling off somewhere with trees, they end up in the rural New Jersey turnpike town of Valkenvania and Chris drives past the speed limit unknowingly and he tries to out run the cop car that has jets on its back but has to give up when another cop, Miss Purdah, played by another character actor, Valri Bromfield, is on the road blocking it with her car and a sharp shooter rifle. They are ultimately taken in by Officer Dennis Valkenheiser played by the awesome John Candy and they are brought before a 106 year old judge, Alvin J.P. Valkenheiser, played by Dan Aykroyd, in disgusting make up, when he finds out Chris has something to do with finances Alvin hates bankers and investors he drops Chris and his crew through a holding cell to be tried the next day. They overhear another group of people who got speeding and they were also caught with drugs, the druggies are sentenced to go through the “Bonestripper” roller coaster where their stripped of their flesh. The group knows they need to get the hell out of there.

“Nothing But Trouble”s art design and sets are jaw dropping, a bizarre collection of junk, scrap metal, manikins, retro toys, retro magazines and other knick knacks give the feel of a junkyard carnival. In fact, I’d say the whole aesthetic of the movie is what gives it its extra punch. It is in no way scary, but it will have you on the edge of your seat and you will get laughs. This won’t have you peeing your pants in fear or make your teeth chatter, this is the type of harmless dark comedy that 1944’s “Arsenic and Old Lace” perfected so well. Its goofy and screwball brought to the early 1990’s with a dash of classic Warner Brother’s Cartoon humor.

Both John Candy and Dan Aykroyd do double duty playing different characters. Not only does John play Dennis, he also plays Dennis’ sister Eldona who wants to marry Chris and the Judge, in exchange for Chris’ life, insists on this. John Candy in drag equals hilarity. Dan not only plays the judge, he also plays his mutant inbred grandson, Bobo whose twin brother is Lil’ Debbull played by John Davieikis, Diane falls into their inept and childish clutches, these two characters wouldn’t be out of place in an old Bugs Bunny cartoon, even the voices. The classic Hip Hop (not a fan but cool nonetheless) group Digital Underground make an appearance, complete with a young Tu Pac. Digital Underground gets pulled over for speeding but let go by the judge because he digs their music but he makes them stay to play the wedding music for Chris and Eldona’s forced wedding. This movie is early 1990’s to the fucking core.

This script came from an idea from Dan’s brother Peter who was pulled over for speeding in a podunk town in New Jersey, Peter felt like he was in a kangaroo court, got fined fifty bucks but was invited for tea by the Justice of the Peace after his trial, he was at the dude’s house for four hours! Not to mention Dan and Pete took their producer buddy Robert Weiss to a screening of “Hellraiser” to take his mind off of a rib injury he just had, they heard the audience laughing at the movie and got the idea that audiences wanted to be scared and laugh at the same time. Boom! “Nothing But Trouble” sprang into existence. The movie was originally titled “Valkenvania” but the studio changed it to a line in the movie “Nothing But Trouble”.  The movie went over five million plus bucks budget wise, but that didn’t help it any, it only grossed 8.4 million at the box office while the budget was 40 million over all, back in the day it croaked really hard.

The usual stick in the muds in the lamestream media savaged the shit out of it and it got Razzies. It didn’t help that Chevy Chase was a raging dick head on set berating the staff and fellow actors but what else is new? Apparently legendary fantasy/sci fi artist was commissioned to do the poster art but I’ve never seen it and I don’t think it was ever used. So should you give this movie a chance? I say HELL YES!!! On this blog I will only review noise both audio and visual I find interesting, makes me think, entertaining etc. I will never waste my time or yours on stuff that completely sucks. This movie is in that weird vein of comedy mined by “Beetlejuice”, “Cabin Boy”, “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2”, “Freaked” etc. back in the day. Go mine the hell out of it yourself.  

To mine it go here: https://www.bitchute.com/video/jmsBzByJHSSo/

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White Noise Theater: “Debbie Does Damnation” (1999) and I wish she would do me…

The spice of life: nude strippers, stop motion demons, buckets of fake blood and washed up B movie actors. Makes me weak in the knees so here you got “Debbie Does Damnation” by Eric Brummer, its pretty much an hour long version of his short “Joanna Died and Went to Hell”. Shot on Super 8 and in black and white, the scum and sleaziness just drips out of the screen. Its low budget, its stupid, its offensive and I love it.

So the plot, well, the sound is really shitty on the version I have but from what I could gather, the Devil had his head cut off by two of his lieutenants whom he taught his secrets to, then they betray him and detach his horns which gave him his power, each one has a horn. The Devil needs an uncorrupted soul to get his horns back and Debbie is that uncorrupted soul. One chick is tested out and found wanting, oh and all the souls in hell are naked. If you are found wanting you are eaten by a stop motion, demonic reptile.

Nude chicks with swords, I am sold. Stop motion monsters. SOLD! SOLD! SOLD! So at first the devil despairs of finding the right soul until Debbie shows up, at first her guardian angel tries to keep her from falling into hell but her sins are pulling her down. This cuts from live actors to Barbie dolls, one doll has  wings carrying one without. The one without wings who is Debbie falls into hell and the devil’s emissary, a skull spider, leads her to the Devil’s head who gives his instructions and tells her he’ll let her leave hell if she gets his horns. She agrees.

“Debbie Does Damnation” has naked women running all over the place. Fine with me, an hour long tent pole is what this movie will give you. One of the producers is Slain Wayne, a porn producer and director, according to Eric, there is a rare X rated version where Slain put in hardcore close up shots. Looked all over for that one and it seems to be so rare it is nowhere. One of the lieutenants in the movie is played by B movie veteran William Smith who you’ve seen in everything, there is a huge ass battle near the end of the movie to get the devil’s horns, each lieutenant wants the other’s horn to have ultimate power. Yeah I know, pretty retarded but what do you expect from a movie called “Debbie Does Damnation?”

You want to know the ending to “Debbie Does Damnation”? Fuck up a tree and watch it for yourself down below, eat out that link. Give it an orgasm. When I first wrote my post on Eric Brummer’s insane shorts “Electric Flesh” and “Joanna Died and Went to Hell” which “Debbie Does Damnation” is an hour long version of, I had barely any info on Eric. The few points I could find were scattered here and there, that Eric went on to direct porn, which seemed like a natural evolution from this movie. But there was a “making of” that gave a shit load of info on this movie and Eric’s creative process.

Eric says he made this movie for less than 1,000 dollars, which is hard to believe, it seems chicks would want to be paid to run around nude and I mean paid good. I am just wondering how Eric got these women out of their underwear, not to mention he got William Smith, a B movie character actor in his film and I don’t think even somebody like Bill Smith would take peanuts. Maybe he meant it took under 1000 bucks to make the sets and film it, he says that he made his bricks and stones out of cardboard and paper mache, and the armor out of linoleum. He said that this was his last film on Super 8 and that he wanted to go out with a bang, he wanted the movie to cross the line and be super offensive, he also wanted it to be weird and different. He succeeded at the weird and different thing, part of that was the stop motion cut in with the live action, he said he liked the stop motion sequences the best because he was in complete control, and could take his time, he said its harder dealing with live actors who have schedules, gripes, problems etc. He said he lost interest near the end because he was going through a bad break up at the time, it didn’t show, this thing kept my interest through the whole thing.

 

You also get a lot of dumb dialogue, like this bit between the two lieutenants when their sword fighting each other “C’mon Jean Claude Van Damme Homo!” Speaking of dialogue, through the whole thing, the dialogue doesn’t sink up with the lips. Brummer claims this is on purpose or maybe its because Brummer is making excuses and had little money, he couldn’t go back and fix the dialogue situation. Nonetheless, an hour is a perfect running time for this movie, if it would’ve went any longer it would’ve dragged, another half n’ hour would’ve been way too long. One hour is short and sweet, this was Brummer’s swan song before he started his descent in to the wet Poon Tang rabbit hole. What a way to go!!!

So here is the sweet spot, play with it and finger it a bit (plus you get the “making of” at the end: https://www.bitchute.com/video/uP9xLT5QpFmE/

My posts on Eric’s two short films, they are must sees: https://www.noisepuncher.net/2020/12/11/short-shit-list-double-feature-electric-flesh-and-joanna-died-and-went-hell-1996-what-a-brummer/

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Visual White Noise Theater: Its “Baron Against the Demons” (2006) tonight, folks!!!

Its always refreshing for me to see practical effects, I know when it comes to movies I sound like a broken record but I can’t stress enough how much I hate CGI over saturation, unless your doing a straight CGI animated movie, if I see your movie has too much CGI there goes my popcorn at the screen and there I am walking out the door. Now when a movie comes along and uses 50/50 practical/CGI or better yet mostly practical (I know CGI can’t really be avoided, my ideal modern movie would be one that uses practical and optical effects through the whole thing). “Baron Against the Demons” is one of those 50/50 movies that is low budget, uses practical and green screen effects. Its a “Heavy Metal” comic strip brought to life and “Heavy Metal” also had a majority of European artists working for it, “Baron Against the Demons” is from Spain, and its unlike anything I’ve seen. Its jaw dropping: scantily clad women, spurting blood, a maniac sword wielding albino, foam rubber puppets, and Catholic fanatics in space. Uh yes tickle that white noise funny bone.

“Baron Against the Demons” was written by Ricarod Ribelle and is a expansion of a short film he did “Exocorio Deus Machine: La Mision”. When watching the movie its kind of hard to figure out the plot, the thing is a bit of a mess, visually its jaw dropping, for a low budget b movie they do get the best for what little money they had. I guess back in the mid to early 2000’s it was still kind of cheaper to use practical effects. From what I gather this takes place at the end of the 21st when demons either from outer space or hell have taken over the world.

A Catholic religious organization called “Exocorio Deus Machine” fight them to gain back control of the earth. The Baron is an fanatical, albino whirlwind of righteous violence, one of the new Crusade’s best warriors, he gets taken prisoner by a witch queen named “Lady Pervertum” she has sex with the Baron unwillingly and tortures him until he gives up his semen to inseminate the Ragnarok beast to breath into existence the anti Christ. This movie is a Gwar concert and a Heavy Metal comic strip rolled up in one.

The creatures and costumes are really Tokusatsu like, this seems like a “Power Rangers” for adults. The funny thing is, the only real nudity shown in the movie is the sex slaves carrying mutant babies and all those sex slaves are big titted foam rubber chicks in leather S and M get ups. In fact “Baron Against the Demons” plays on the pleasure/pain thing a lot throughout the movie. Also there is clown androids who laugh constantly and work for Lady Pervertum, the androids start to evolve, becoming religious, burying each other and worshiping the Baron as their messiah. Yeah this fucking movie is insane.

The Baron is bad ass, after being shot at, beaten, and tortured he still fights like a banshee not caring if he literally bleeds to death until all evil is exterminated off the face of the earth. He is a fanatical Catholic neo crusader but he finds out that there is much more going on with himself than just serving his Catholic war organization. Maybe its a language barrier but again this movie is all over the place, there is so many different elements, creatures and characters just thrown in a huge blender. Depending on what your tastes are like this movie will be the best thing you ever tasted (me) or you’ll spit it out and rinse your mouth out with salt water.

In “Baron Against the Demons” Satan shows up as a giant, red eyed worm waiting for the anti Christ to be born, it looks like a practical effect creature filmed and put into a computer to make it see through. One thing this movie really excels at is the various costumes and creatures in this movie, really the whole look and aesthetic of the movie overpowers the scattershot story, again this really reminds me of a “Heavy Metal” magazine comic strip. Its European, its erotic, its violent and it makes no sense.

So would I recommend this? Hell yes I will, this is one I wish more people watched and talked about. I’ve looked for more info on this movie and it was very bare bones when it came to finding info. The cast is all Spanish, there is supposedly a region 2 DVD out there with English overdubbed that was released, it isn’t streaming anywhere on any platform. Damn shame, this would be up Prime’s and/or Tubi’s dark, b movie alley.

This movie can’t make up its mind if its a weird S and M movie, a sci fi movie, a post apocalyptic movie, a horror movie etc. Its all those god dammit!!! “Baron Against the Demons” is a experience you won’t yet forget. Guaranteed, even if you hate it. So where do you experience…uh this thing on a physical plane? Well try here: In non existent.

But if you want to take a trip on the astral plane to experience it you can go here: https://www.bitchute.com/video/C0mTsBi4KZmD/

Your Welcome.

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Web Site Spotlight: Bleeding Skull

If “Bleeding Skull” was an archeologist, they’d be the type who specialize in digging up something nobody really cares about. They’d be that weird archeologist who doesn’t go looking and digging for rare dinosaur bones, treasure laden tombs and forgotten cities that would wow the world and get them a show on “The History Channel”, instead they go looking for dinosaur dung and broken shards of pottery from a tribe nobody gives a shit about. But you see, they serve a purpose, sometimes that dung is the dung of a dinosaur that hasn’t been discovered yet and that pottery might have veins of gold in it, though thats very rare. “Bleeding Skull” serves that purpose in the world, they dig up these movies that some crazy high school student or dad who wanted to be a film maker made using a cheap camcorder. The “Shot-On-Video” i.e. “SOV” movies, no budget travesties that are white noise to the nth degree, visual white noise that will have your eyes popping out of your head. Some of these movies actually saw distribution and ended up on the racks of video rental stores and some, like “Boarding House”, were actually fucking released to theaters. In other words, movies nobody gives a shit about. They also dig up really low budget movies with has been actors or wannabe actors. I prefer these weird archeologists, God speed their mission!!!

I discovered this web site through their first book “Bleeding Skull: A 1980’s Trash Odyssey”, it was a recommended book on Amazon because of my likes. I was automatically interested, to be honest the first SOV movie I saw was “Black Devil Doll From Hell” because it was in the “Psychotronic Film Guide”. “Black Devil Doll” rended my consciousness, and I couldn’t get it out of my head, it was like a black, carnivorous slug that bored its self into my brain and started to suck. It was a train wreck, it was offensive, dirty, nasty, no budget sleaze I wanted to hate it but couldn’t. I needed to find more like this, and “Bleeding Skull” ran to the rescue.

“Bleeding Skull” was founded by Joseph A Ziemba in 2004, to review these movies barely anybody knew existed. Again the archeologist digging deep in the ground for dinosaur poo hoping to find a new species. Dan Budnik was also involved in the beginning, reading his old reviews and articles in the book and web site always kept me in stitches, hope he is writing jokes for some show now. I  love “Bleeding Skull”, however, the site is what I call a “wallet emptier”, they find movies all the time that I have to see. Most of them are impossible to find on youtube or as a torrent. The chase is actually better than the catch most of the time, when I see some of these movies I am kind of like “Ehhhh” but then I will find that new species of dinosaur and gold veins in that broken pottery and I’ll slap myself silly thinking, “why didn’t I find out about this earlier?!” Joe is a pretty cool guy too, when he reviewed “The Book of Bloody Stories Trilogy” I looked all over for it to no avail, in desperation I messaged him not expecting a response but I got one, he directed me to where it could be found all if which I document here: https://www.noisepuncher.net/2020/11/24/das-buch-der-blutigen-geschichten-translated-the-book-of-bloody-stories-aka-bloddy-curse-1987-1991/

“Bleeding Skull” also teamed up with Mondo Video, a branch of the Alamo Drafthouse to release a few of these hard to find movies, I recommend “Blonde Death” and “Night Feeder” all of which I will review at a later date. Now they’ve teamed up with AGFA and re released even more of these impossible to find movies. All of this is on their web site, reviews, features (some of which dig into new loads of visual white noise), where to buy copies of their first book, the second one “Bleeding Skull: A 1990’s Trash Odyssey” is set to come out this summer and I’ve already pre ordered it. So if movies with titles like “Satan’s Blade”, “Black Devil Doll From Hell”, “Alien Predator”, “Cards of Death” etc. than go right fucking now to this web site: http://bleedingskull.com/

Tell em’ noisepuncher sent ya!

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White Noise Theater: You dim wit! You and your wife are so stupid you have “Shrunken Heads” (1994)

So what to say about this piece of visual white noise? Its a horror movie…about killer “Shrunken Heads”. Who would make such a movie you ask? Richard Elfman (director), Danny’s brother and Charles Band (producer) of Full Moon infamy of course. You think any major studio would touch a movie called “Shrunken Heads” about killer shrunken heads? Well they make shit like “Avatar” and “Captain Marvel” so its possible they would make something like this but it wouldn’t be executed the same way this was, that is weird and creepy. A gang of 30 year olds harass 12 year old boys and the gang leader’s girl looks like she is 12…uh yeah this movie is off to a rip roarin’ start.

The three boys are Tommy (Aeryk Egan), Freddy (Darris Love who has been in a whole bunch of stuff like “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) and Billy (Bo Sharon) who sit around, read comic books and in Tommy’s case, work in his dad’s grocery store. The creepy adult gang called “the Vipers” picks on them and is led by Vinnie (A.J. Damato) whose 12 year old girlfriend Sally (Rebecca Herbst who you’ve seen in every 1990’s sitcom when one of the major characters needed a love interest for that episode) has a crush on Tommy, somebody actually her own age. The boys are also friends with a Haitian Voodoo priest who runs a comic book stand in their neighborhood, Mr. Sumatra (played by the late great Julius Harris who you’ve seen in everything). Tommy intent on getting revenge on Vinnie, kisses Sally and films his gang ripping off a car, he hands the tape over to the cops and the gang gets arrested. Vinnie gets away and goes to the local mob boss Moe (played by Meg Foster in male drag, love this actress, she is in so many low budget, B movies it isn’t even funny) to tell her and get money to bail out his buds. Moe also wants Vinnie to kidnap the boys, after getting out of prison the Vipers do just that but the boys get loose and steal bags of gambling slips to hand over to the cops, Moe orders Vinnie to kill them.

Yep kids get iced in this movie, this early in the movie you get an underage girl dating a 30 year old grease ball, a transgender mob leader and kids getting killed for gambling slips. Wooo. Damn but things are about to get hotter because Mr. Sumatra knows what really happened and he slips into the funeral home to get the murdered kid’s heads, he shrinks them and revives them with a voodoo ritual to get revenge. Each one has a different power, Tommy can shock people, Freddy can get people with a switch blade he carries in his mouth and Billy has vampire teeth that sucks people dry. Mr. Sumatra teaches them how to use their powers and did I mention these Shrunken Heads can fly? He then sends them out to get revenge.

They first practice on other criminals before moving up to the Viper gang and Moe. Sally still has the hots for Tommy and has a picture of him by her bed which later leads to some uh hum uncomfortable and laughable scenes. Whoever wrote this was a fucking genius…the person probably did too much coke and drank too much cheap vodka. Out this popped and the only person they could get to direct something this insane was Richard Elfman, who directed the awesome disasterpiece “Forbidden Zone”, then he gets his brother, Danny Elfman, who did music for Tim Burton’s “Batman” and was the lead singer of Oingo Boingo to do the music for his movie, and not only that the Oingo Boingo song “No One Lives Forever” in the movie. They only spent a million (and it shows) on this thing, practicing nepotism, Richard puts his son Bodhi in as the Viper gang member, Booger and this was Full Moon’s first theatrical release since most of all of Band and company’s releases were straight to video or cable. I couldn’t find the box office take on this thing, I imagine it wasn’t that big of take.

I don’t want to spoil too much but the people who get killed by the “Shrunken Heads” become zombies who don’t kill and eat people, they pick up litter, clean graffiti off walls and help old ladies across the street. Yep this visual white noise is insane, some are gonna see this as a mess, this is damn beautiful mess son and I enjoyed every damn minute of it. I wasn’t bored like I was at Marvel’s “Endgame”, I kept looking down at my phone wondering when this bloated, overripe, CGI enhanced piece of shit was gonna end so I could go to the taco shop outside the mall. Flying, killer, “Shrunken Heads”, what more can you ask for?

Meg Foster as Moe above.

Meg Foster from “They Live”. Heh. Heh. Heh.

Anyways if you want to watch the Shrunken Heads of murdered children attack and kill gangsters go here: https://www.bitchute.com/video/Iblt2X3JUkW3/