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White Noise on Paper: All Rise for “The Trial of Colonel Sweeto and Other Stories” by Nicholas Gurewitch

Don’t let the bright candy colors of the cover fool you, this is no ordinary “children’s book”, in fact, its not a children’s book at all. Bored and browsing through a mainstream book store where my then girlfriend was looking in the boring Harlequin Romance novel section, my eyes fell on this. At first I thought it was a kid’s book until I opened it, my boredom melted away like Rainbow Sherbet in a hot summer sun. I was laughing so hard I was annoying other customers. I promptly went and bought it. My then girlfriend thought it was disgusting and that is why she is now my ex.

Its as if some maniac played too much “Candy Land”, read too much Frank Baum books, and watched too many episodes of South Park and then decided to make a comic strip. I love this book, it was unique in that it was almost presented as a children’s comic collection but the humor was messed up, and stomach churning in some cases.

The creator, Nicholas Gurewitch, was art director of the Syracuse student paper “The Daily Orange” and first published the strip, “Perry Bible Fellowship” there in 2001. Since then different publications have picked the strip up. The art work can vary from strip to strip which makes the whole thing interesting. The whole book is full of snickers and/or outright belly laughs. Most of the strips in “The Trial of Colonel Sweeto and other Stories” are taken from previously published work. Man oh man where does Nick come up with this stuff?

According to Nick, “Perry Bible Fellowship” is actually named after a real church in Perry, Maine. A lot of the humor is abstract and non sequitur if this annoys you then you might want to avoid this book. Scratch that, if that annoys you why are you reading my blog? Fuck right off. HA! HA! This is something that puts a smile on my face if I am in a bad mood. I am so glad something like this exists, if it didn’t I hope me or somebody else would’ve done it as good as Nick does it.

Nick still till this day updates “The Perry Bible Fellowship” web site, less frequent than he used to do. I am glad he is keeping this going and hasn’t given up on it, the world needs this now more than ever. There is a lot of humorless twats walking around today, maybe they need a unicorn horn thrust through their chests…A unicorn horn of HUMOR.

This insane candy colored, ridiculous, off the wall world needs to be explored more. There is another book out there “The Perry Bible Fellowship Almanack” with more comics, probably out of print and a lot of money. I am glad I bought this when it came out, a lot of the books I like become worth big bucks. I hate when I miss out on something cool the first time around, the price gets insanely jacked up.

So where does one go to have Perry Bible Fellowship study? First you can go to Nick’s site which he still updates infrequently, https://pbfcomics.com/

Cheap copies can still be found used on amazon, get them while you still can: https://www.amazon.com/Colonel-Fellowship-Nicholas-Gurewitch-2007-09-03/dp/B01F81KGT0

And AMEN!!!!

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White Noise Eardrum Buster: “Incredibly Strange Metal” that stopped living and became mixed up music.

I like any band or group that goes out of their way to find the upper limits of white noise and push music across boundary lines, people who break the “sound barrier” so to speak. Granted some of the results aren’t the greatest but I like people who take risks with little skill and in the process birth into existence something twisted, original and new. When it comes to metal I love the experimental end of the spectrum, the weirder and more twisted the better, bands like Mr. Bungle and John Zorn’s Naked City make my day, I approve of any band that tries something different in their genre. This comp documents that music. Granted some of this stuff isn’t “metal” but more “hard rock”, but these were bands who tried to sound a certain way but ended up putting their personal stamp on the sound. Foreign bands in particular, especially the ones behind the Iron Curtain during the Cold War, only heard Western music via pirate radio and renegade European and American military radio signals and then interpreted that sound their way behind closed doors for fear of being arrested by the secret police.

From what I have gathered from the now defunct “Obscuro” blog,  this was compiled by “The Corroseum” blog which is still around, a company in Europe, “Lust Fungus”, put this out in 2002 on CD R. The cover apes the book and CD covers of the “Incredibly Strange Music” series put out by the “RE/Search” crew. Boy did they unearth some white noise, weirdness track number one features the Russian band Oblachnyi Kraj with “Sazhaj Korneplody Uyrschlvag Luk!” A stomping, psychedelic metal number with ripping guitars and swirling keyboards and shouted lyrics, your off to a rip roarin’ start, like a batch of bad acid. The next two tracks are by the elusive Damien Storm,  “Frakenstein’s Castle of Sorcery” starts with what sounds like a Halloween sound effects record playing in back, out of tune guitars and Damien trying to hit Dio vocal highs but cracking, “Realms of Destiny” follows the same formula, I get the impression the guy plays all the instruments on his albums like the awesome Dwarr. Tracks Quadro and Cinco are done by a Nepali hard rock band called The Crisis based out of Katmandu, and boy do they wear their foreign influences on their sleeve, both tracks “Kolahal Ma” and “Maya Boki Aau” carry strange tunings and timings, very exotic sounding, wish I could find the full length album, it isn’t anywhere for sale, even on discogs.  The next two are done by Belgian hard rock band Kuster and boy oh boy, I was rolling on the ground laughing hard when these two tracks hit my ears, “All A Live” and “Love A Bit”, this is a band attempting to sound like 1980’s era Ozzy Osbourne, but they lack the skill and come out sounding like Black Flag era “Slip It In”, that is not a bad thing either, the singer is completely out of time and tone deaf, I love this fucking band, their full length is a god damn ripper, more hardcore punk with a metallic edge even though they call themselves “hard rock”. Next up is a one man band (HELL TO THE FUCKING YES!) Exmortes who attempts to sound evil and mysterious as the first wave of black and death metal bands of those days, again the guy doesn’t have the skill, all he seems to do is repeat lines of lyrics, he doesn’t even sing, and it sounds like he is reciting the lyrics through his pillow while the same see sawing riff plays in the back with a drum machine, it has to be heard to be believed, both songs “Forced to Be Silent” and “Creed of the Eternal” are mishap masterpieces, I searched out and found all of his output which really isn’t that much. Everybody hates Exmortes, I am not one of them. Next up on the list is Drakar with “Tunelem Zpátky” the cascading, snarling riff gets stuck in your head, the singer isn’t in tune with the riff and the vocals are manipulated, another good oddity out of the Czech Republic. Following that is Morsure, with the song “No Moral” that features shouted punk French vocals again out of sync with the rest of the music over thrash guitars, bass and a blast beat drum machine, the band’s full length “Acceleration Process” is pretty awesome, the same craziness with some songs having a Motorhead vibe to them. A comp of bizarre, left field metal wouldn’t be complete without the Italian doom band Black Hole and their song “Blind Men and Occult Forces” slow and plodding metal with a whining synth organ in back and vocals trying to hit highs but not succeeding, find their full length “Realms of Mystery” with crayon created cover, lovely weirdness all over. The Runaways, yes the same all girl proto glam punk band featuring Joan Jett and Lita Ford, try to do a metal song called “S-P-E-E-D M-E-T-A-L”, the song is anything but speed metal, its a hard rock number that isn’t fast and leans more towards the punk side of things, but since its The Runaways its a must listen. Who’s next? The Russian band Legion with the jaw dropping “Hold On” the song starts as a straight ahead death metal tune then descends in to female jazz singing, swinging jazz bass and guitar, the type of song you’d hear in a sleazy and smoky lounge in Las Vegas, I love this fucking tune, this is sure to piss off a lot of Death Metal purists, who cares, fuck em’. And then we charge straight ahead into Torn Flesh with their self titled track, a religious thrash band whose singer sounds like he is gurgling marbles and a “clean” singer shouting about Jesus dying on the cross, the guitars and drums are all over the place. A must listen, just like their follow up track “Gay Rights?!” Complete with lyrics like “Its Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”, the same marble vocals and a annoying and snarling riff with shouted background vocals, then a barking dog getting hit with a shoe. Yep you heard that right, God damn or should I say “Gosh damn”. Next up to bat is the Czech lunatic Svaty Vincent with “Krucifix”.  Svaty is another unique individual that has his own vision of what music should be, in this case its experimental black metal, riffs, bass, guitar and synth going in all directions while he shouts in Czech like a demonic maniac, I have posted his hard to find live self titled debut album here https://www.noisepuncher.net/2020/12/13/all-hail-svaty-vincent-1990/

A kid’s metal band? Is that what you want? Hell yeah! Give me my “Transformers” sippy cup. This band is Secret Metal with “The Cop”, so apparently in the late 1980’s in Sweden a youth group decided to have their members record a comp album with New Wave, Punk and Metal tunes, that album is “Girls and Boys Helge 87” which I will get around to posting about one of these days, “The Cop” is a track off that album. Siren and shooting sound effects, out of tune guitars, drums that fall down stairs and kids singing about running from the police and getting shot, tracks like these make comp albums like these a must have. Want more on your plate? Then you got “Lester Maddox” with “Egypt (The Chains Are Off)” this song is a slow plodder with a exotic Egyptian riff that picks your brain and says “Remember Me” and you will, truly “Strange Metal” and genre fucking at its best. Want dessert? A burned, tough to eat dessert? Here come the South Americans Parabellum with “Madre Muerte” is black metal, out of tune brutality, primitive, mean, nasty, this last track is a mess… a beautiful mess, what a way to go out with a nuclear bomb. BOOOOOM!!! So what the fuck are you waiting for? Do you need anymore urging? Give this son of a bitch a listen, noise addicts, you’ll be glad you did. https://www.bitchute.com/video/QHR2lumPIvO5/

The people at the defunct “Obscuro” blog put out two more of their own “Incredibly Strange Metal” comps where the links are dead. I might do those also in the future.